Ghost

Dysphoria

Mood Music: Clams Casino – I’m God

 

The first espresso shot gives me euphoria

In the form of blissful ignorance from all of my usual distractions

Like gum wrappers and the sound of loud keyboards

And loose, sloppy conversations about people I will never meet

 

The second espresso shot gives me dysphoria

And that blissful ignorance is exchanged

For a violent heartbeat, driving way past the speed limit

But just enough to catch up to my vehicle brain

 

Third shot, they see me way past the speed limit,

And they try to be steering wheel, brakes, and directions

All at once

And when they crash me, they blame me

Even though they’re living their days in 24 hours

And I’m living my days in 12

 

Fourth, I become so distracted by my own wreckage

That I become desensitized to life,

I can only focus on piecing together broken glass

That’s here and there, but never together

And I only see parts of my bitter reflection

Through shards of glass that once formed a window

 

And in the end,

They still blame me for it,

It’s the bad friend who borrows my time and never returns it,

It’s the abusive relationship I can’t get out of,

Because it’s not a disorder,

If you looked in a thesaurus,

There’d be one word:

Godforsaken

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